The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God
The Ten Commandments of Organ Practise
1. Thou shalt practise every day, even if only for a short period.
2. Thou shalt NEVER practise faster than thou canst play perfectly, for it is written: Perfect Practise Makes Perfect.
3. Thou shalt NOT put off working on the hard parts; David did not invite Goliath to come back after tea.
4. Thou shalt work out a usable fingering, inscribe it on thy papyrus and NEVER vary from same, for Fumble Fingers Find Fate Fickle.
5. Thou shalt never apologise for thy playing, nor say "Oops!" when thou makest a mistake, for thou wilt only draw attention to things which otherwise would never be noticed by the thick people.
6. Thou shalt practise each composition in short segments; that thy fingers may not break off more than thy mind can chew.
7. Thou shalt listen ... and not only to organists, for it is written: What this untidy world needs is fewer organists and more musicians who can play the organ
8. Thou shalt NOT play pedals without shoes ... for thy Odor-Eaters may be spent, and besides, it leads to sloppy playing.
9. Thou shalt begin and end each practise session with something thou canst play readily, that thou mayest not be discouraged.
10. Thou shalt always remember that thy practise is a labour of love and that by persistence (oft proved by thyself in other undertakings) thou canst bring to pass many wonders.
Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse?
A: They are always longing for another stop.
Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning?
A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice.
Haydn's Chopin Liszt at Vivaldi's:
What did a piano player say to a tightrope walker?
You better C sharp or you'll B flat!
Did you hear about the stupid pianist who kept banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.
The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.
You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.
The collection plate is never passed to the choir.
There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.
For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look.
You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the minister/priest to catch you.
The chairs for the choir are padded and are the most comfortable chairs in the church.
The Piano Tuner
Mrs. Smith needed to have her piano tuned so she asked a friend for a recommendation. She then made an appointment with the piano tuner, Mr. Oppernockity. He arrived 2 days later, tuned the piano satisfactorily, and left. Several days later Mrs. Smith noticed that the piano was terribly out of tune again. She called the tuner to complain about the tuning and to ask for a return visit to solve the problem. However, the tuner replied, "I'm sorry ma'am, but Oppernockity only tunes once!"
Q: What's the difference between a piano and a Harley-Davidson?
A: One of us might be able to tune a Harley.
Q: What's the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can't tuna fish.
Definition of a piano tuner: A person employed to come into the home, rearrange the furniture, and annoy the cat. The tuner's chief purpose is to ascertain the breaking point of the piano's strings.
What's the difference between puppies and organist's?
Puppies eventually stop whining!!!
Why are the organ's in heaven unplayable?
Because the keys were stolen to make accordians in hell!
What's the differnce between a battery and an organist?
A battery has a positive side!
Why do some people take an instant dislike to organists?
Because it saves time!
If you were in a room full of organist's and had a gun with only one bullet, who would you shoot?